Get a ‘state-of-your estate’ and prioritize your next steps on the critical legal documents and plans like: wills, power of attorney, medical directives, emergency fund, long-term financial plans, insurance policies, storing and sharing important details and wrangling your (hundreds of) digital accounts.
It can feel impossible to to make hard, complicated decisions after the ‘shit has hit the fan’ and you are at your worst. Very not good. Knowing where to start, or what to do next, is sometimes all we need to get one thing done or feel a little less anxious.
The Original, Master Checklist all the must-do items simplified.
Updated and expanded 14-page Before & After Checklist
Why a Checklist? Over the hours and days at the hospital when my late husband was in the ICU I learned (the hard way) that there were a handful of things I could have done before life went sideways that would have really helped. This ‘before’ checklist captures the questions and issues that kept coming up over and over that I wish I’d know, had easier access or answers to.
____ I have completed my Will & Power of Attorney (POA) and listed: Durable Power of Attorney for Financial, Digital, and Medical, or other roles to people I trust and have a backup person listed for each role.
My copy of my will is located here: ________________________________
____ I have completed my Living Will (also called an Advance Care Directive).
____ The living will is signed, notarized, and a copy has been given to those named or listed.
My copy of my living will is located here: ____________________
____ I have researched Life Insurance options and purchased the best possible plan for me and/or my family.
My copy of my policy is located here: ________________________________
____ I have reviewed my financial situation and, if necessary, discussed this with those closest to me.
A list of my banking and financial accounts is located here:____________
____ I have listed my Personal Details out in case of emergency or some one else needs to retrieve it (passwords, contact information, accounts, etc.)
A copy of my details list is located here: _____________________________
____ I have thought about my relationships and how I want to move forward to resolve any unfinished business.
The Expanded Before & ‘After Checklist: Once the website launched millions of people shared, downloaded it and thousands of letters started pouring in – most of them were thankful for the help. The others? For them, things had already gone sideways and were already in a world of hurt in the ‘afterwards’, just like I had been a few years before. It’s a terrifying and really sucky, suck-ass place to be. Hence, the ‘After’ Checklist, to help think through what to do when you don’t know what to do.
____ Are you clear about what the situation is, where you are, why?
____ Are you in a good (enough), safe, or helpful place right now?
____ Does someone know where you are, can come get you, or be with you?
____ Who is with you and/or nearby that you can ask for help right now?
____ Who do you want to have with you that you (or someone else) can call?
____ do you have those phone numbers?
____ can someone locate them and/or make those calls for you?
____ who else is on your ‘needs to be called’ list?
____ Are your Family/Kids/Parents, etc. ok and in a safe place right now?
____ do you need to make a phone call to make any updates, buy time?
____ can someone locate them and/or make those calls for you?
____ Is there anything that you want/need that could help you right now?
____ Do you know what the next few days could/will look like
____ if yes, what is most important to handle/be done the next few days
____ if no, want are the likely if/then scenarios you can try to plan for
____ Do children or minors need care or be arranged for, where are they?
____ can you locate closest family, grandparents, parent, guardians
____ Get a Notebook or Notepad to start writing down questions and info
____ What do you need/want to know, questions
____ Are there ‘buckets’ or ‘categories’ of things you can group together?
____ Are there items you can ask others to help with, or ‘hand off’?
____ For example, ask for help with:
____ Kids and childcare scheduling, play dates, driving, etc.
____ Insurance claims and policies
____ Logistics for Out of town friends & Family,
____ Meal planning, grocery shopping and Food Delivery
____ Household help like laundry, cleaning, helping with pets
____ Money & Financial Planning, benefits, debts & settlements
____ Medical help, researching specialists, care options
____ Legal and Estate management, probate and settling estate
____ Communication Plan, online announcements, emails updates
____ Medical & Insurance Policies
____ Call Employer and/or Business contacts (they can often help)
____ Legal Issues & POA (locate Wills and/or Living Wills) contact POAs
____ Certificates & Documentation
____ Birth certificates
____ Marriage & Divorce
____ Other (Military service, pensions, etc)
____ Collect or create important documents (will, living will, POA, DNR, etc.)
____ Complete any missing documents or additional wishes
____ Financial Assistance Options (Disability Insurance or Benefits, etc.)
____ Share documents with family, doctor, hospital, hospice, etc.
____ Wishes and desires (legal documents, letters, conversations)
____ Are there other assets to confirm or collect (safe deposit box, other?)
____ Are there details to document (accounts & passwords, online assets?)
____ Help contact friends and family members
____ If helping, reach out respectfully and offer help or check in
____ If helping, specific advice can be a relief (rather than “call me anytime”)
____ Notification of the death: if not in a Medical location or a doctor was not present – notify a Doctor, Police and/or Coroner
____ Organ donation (did they request it, is it possible)
____ Other ‘upon death’ instructions (DNA sampling, science, cryonics)
____ Ask for death certificates (certified copies) you’ll need numerous copies
____ Care of the Body: choosing Cremation, Natural or Traditional Funeral ‘disposition’ Funeral & Memorial planning (any pre-planning or instructions)
____ Additional instructions/preferences: embalming options, clothing or shroud requests, special object(s) to be/remain with the body
____ Is there a living will or letter expressing wishes?
____ Moving the body: to a/your home, funeral home or crematorium, to a different state)
____ Invitations/requests to view the body and/or the cremation
____ Professional services to hire (independent funeral director, home funeral consultant, funeral planning/event service, select a funeral home or mortuary) to assist with planning, the process and/or funeral or memorial services. Specify:
____ Home options include keeping the body home longer, a home viewing, wake, memorial and/or funeral
____ Choosing cremation, direct cremation, natural burial, green burial, burial in a cemetery, family plot/crypt, burial at sea, or others
____ Select a casket, shroud, box, urn, or other, if needed/desired
____ Plan the Wake/Memorial/Funeral/Ceremony and make as personal as any plans or instructions have requested or as specific as the family desires:
____ List friends/family who can (or would like to) help with the service(s)
____ Write an obituary, ask others to contribute, if desired
____ Invitation list, invites via mail, email and/or other social channels
____ Logistics with out of town guests
____ Photos, music, food or other items to have present
____ Confirm who to ask to speak, a celebrant, stories to share, etc.
____ If helpful, ask a family member or friend to stay at the person’s home to care for the house, pets, or help with logistics or visitors.
Note: You have more options than you might realize: if you want to have a home viewing of Uncle Hank in his favorite Elvis jumpsuit, have a green burial, serve only candy at the memorial and play CCR or ABBA nonstop – if that is what he and/or the family desire – then by all means Do It!
____ Confirm Executor of Will and get ‘letter of administration’ which confirms the ‘Personal Representative’ who can make decisions for ‘the estate’
____ if no will, Probate process confirms next steps and beneficiaries
____ contact a lawyer if you have any legal questions or concerns
____ Contact Services and Institutions (the “I’m Sorry for Your Loss” calls)
____ Banking (checking, saving, retirement, stocks, etc.)
____ Social Security Office (ask about Survivor benefits)
____ Insurance providers (Life, Auto, Health, etc.)
____ Mortgage, deed & titles to property
____ Debt like loans or credit cards to make arrangements
____ Utilities for home (change name, cancel or make updates)
____ Post Office (forward address or stop mail, etc.)
____ Financial Management of Estate (assets, debts, taxes, trusts, beneficiaries)
____ Confirm instructions in Will for Assets, Trusts, Gifts, etc.
____ Taxes to file and/or estate taxes to be paid
____ Inventory Household items and Digital Assets as needed
____ Collect all insurance policies and named beneficiaries
____ Medical insurance status (continuation needed, COBRA?)
____ Real estate if any property is still/currently lived-in (family, tenants)
____ Inventory outstanding Debts (credit cards, mortgages, etc.)
____ Does the debt(s) need to be paid (confirm before paying)
____ Is the Personal Representative of the Estate held liable
____ Digital Assets and Estate
____ Online Password or Storage services known?
____ Is there a Digital Power of Attorney listed in the Will or POA?
____ Confirm if/who (Spouse, Executor of Will or other) will search online via sites, emails or other to secure digital assets.
____ The Big Picture: Options, Vulnerabilities, Scenarios & Priorities
____ Remember, grief looks different for everyone, can ‘take longer’ than you think, come back or appear more like ‘waves’ than clear or linear ‘phases’
____ Put Your Mask on First: Taking care of yourself is a priority
____ Get support for your emotional and mental health
____ be honest about your feelings, talk about it
____ be gentle with yourself, cut yourself a lot of slack
____ plan for ‘triggers’, especially holidays and anniversaries
____ get help, find a counselor, go to a grief support group
